Sexuality through the decades

What to expect, how your hormones play havoc, and what to do to LOVE each phase of life

—and have great sex throughout! 

Let’s be real: the media would have us believe that everyone (yes, everyone!) is out there having hot, steamy, mind-blowing sex with simultaneous orgasms and zero awkward moments. But if you were a fly on the wall at any gathering of women—regardless of age—you’d hear a very different story. 

"I don’t even know if I’m doing it right." "It’s uncomfortable." "It hurts." "It’s boring." "We haven’t had sex in 3 months (6 months… 2 years…)." "What does an orgasm actually feel like?" "I fake it." "Where’s all this juicy, passionate sex I keep hearing about?!" 

Sound familiar? 

You’re not alone. 

Sexuality shifts with every decade. And while emotions, relationships, and life circumstances all play a role, there’s an often-overlooked major player: hormones! These tiny chemical messengers affect everything—our mood, energy, brain chemistry, and yes, our libido. So let’s break it down by decade and see what’s really going on under the hood. 

The Roaring 20s: A Time of Exploration (and PMS) 

Ah, the 20s—when hormones finally start to settle after the rollercoaster of our teen years. It’s a decade of discovering our sexual selves, though not without its challenges. Mixed messages about sex, body image struggles, and the ever-persistent PMS can make things tricky. 

PMS in particular can wreak havoc, leaving you feeling moody, bloated, and uninterested in sex. Low progesterone is often the culprit, but the good news? Natural progesterone cream (BHRT) and supplements like Chasteberry can be game-changers, improving mood, sleep, and overall well-being. 

The Thriving 30s: Babies, Careers, and a Testosterone Dip 

By our 30s, testosterone starts to decline (yes, even for women), which can subtly affect libido and muscle tone. Throw pregnancy into the mix, and desire levels fluctuate wildly. The second trimester is often a sweet spot for intimacy, but by the third trimester? Let’s just say, finding a comfortable position can feel like an Olympic event. 

Postpartum brings its own set of challenges—fatigue, body changes, and shifting hormones. The silver lining? Breastfeeding releases oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which helps bond with both baby and partner. Men, take note: affectionate touch (holding hands, cuddling) boosts oxytocin too! 

The Frantic 40s: Stressed, Busy, and Running on Cortisol 

The 40s are a blur of responsibilities—kids, careers, aging parents, and endless to-do lists. With stress levels at an all-time high, cortisol (the stress hormone) skyrockets, and sex is often the first thing to drop off the list. 

Surprise! Cortisol impacts libido even more than testosterone. Managing stress is key—adaptogens, magnesium glycinate at bedtime, and sleep-supporting supplements (melatonin, Valarian root,  5-HTP, tart cherry) can make a world of difference. And don’t forget: sex itself reduces stress and balances hormones. Sometimes, desire starts with simply wanting to connect—let the body catch up later! 

The Midlife 50s (and Beyond): The Hormonal Freefall 

Welcome to perimenopause and menopause—the time when progesterone, testosterone, and estrogen all take a nosedive, leaving many women perplexed as to why they just don’t feel like having sex anymore. Vaginal dryness, brain fog, and hot flashes don’t exactly set the mood either. 

Meanwhile, men start experiencing their own hormonal shifts—testosterone declines, and erections take longer (or don’t happen at all). Sound grim? It doesn’t have to be! 

Botanicals like L-Arginine, Beet root and Nitric Oxide (for improved blood flow), Panax Ginseng (for desire and vaginal lubrication), and Tongkat Ali (for testosterone support) can help both men and women. And let’s not forget pelvic floor exercises—stronger muscles mean increased pleasure for everyone. 

Sex at Any Age: The Secret to Long-Lasting Passion 

Sex in later years may look different, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be deeply fulfilling (and even better than before!). With the confidence of age, true intimacy, and a little experimentation, couples can reignite passion in new ways. Make sure the sex that you are having is sex worth having… 

Dr. David Schnarch, in his book Passionate Marriage, calls this "eyes wide open sex"—a level of intimacy that only comes with trust and vulnerability. The key? Keeping the polarity alive—the dynamic dance of masculine and feminine energy (which we all have). When that polarity is strong, so is the attraction. 

Did you know that three out of four adults aged 57 to 87 say a satisfying sex life is essential to a good relationship? Bottom line: hormones may change, but our need for connection, intimacy, and pleasure does not. 

So embrace every phase, nourish your hormones, and keep that fire burning—because YES, great sex can happen at any age! 

Resources & Recommendations 

Books: 

• What Do Women Want – Daniel Bergner 
• Passionate Marriage – Dr. David Schnarch 
• Sexy Hormones – Lorna Vanderhaeghe 

Supplements & More:
Find my recommended supplements and more resources at www.camillelawson.com 

Podcasts & Videos:
Check out my latest insights on YouTube 

                                                    Remember: sexuality and intimacy 

                                           are the glue that holds relationships together. 

                                 Keep prioritizing connection and say YES to lifelong passion!